Past Stories: Rewind Monday - Star Goalie

Who needed two weeks off with a sprained ankle when two days would do...not me! About three years ago, I was a GOALIE in the making. Diving here, diving there. Blocks the two shots. I'm in the zone. All one-on-ones are shut down. Nothing I could do about the crossing back post shots - obviously too short. Despite the 5 to 1 loss, we the team of 8 held our own against the team of 11 plus subs. I would not have made it as a field player that is for sure. Running caused pain. But goalie seemed to work. All is good when hobbling works here and there during the game. This will definitely be stored as a great Sunday morning memory.

Paxil - My Saving Grace

Paxil seems to relieve my depression, obsessions and compulsions just a bit. I feel more relaxed and sane. Not so overwhelmed with sadness, stress, anxiety and doubt. It is still with me but I do not feel like I am on a cliff edge holding on for dear life trying not to fall into a panic attack.

Past Stories: Rewind Monday - Isabel No Longer Speaks Spanish...But we do???

Disclaimer: Writing in present tense over 3 years ago. In the van, going home from grandma's... Mommy: "Keven, how come Isabel won't say mama". Keven (5): "Because mom, Isabel doesn't speak Spanish". A few months earlier, Isabel was babbling away and I told Kev, "Talk to her Keven...your sister is talking to you." His reply, "But mom, I don't know how to speak Spanish."

My Aunt Cindy Is Comin' To Town

With my Ashlyn, Aunt Carol, Aunt Chris and Uncle Gene. I am beyond excited. Hopefully we will have time to finish decorating one of my family room. She is an excellent interior designer with impeccable taste. Despite her mere hobby as an interior designer, I believe she would have had a successful business if she needed to work. In January of 2009, she came for a 4-day visit. Even though it was not a relaxful vacation, it was a fun and productive vacation. Let's be clear...it was her idea. And I love her for it. We spent 3 full days doing hard work. Painting. Shopping. And house decorating. With my aunt's talents, my new house became a home.

Happy Valentine's Day, Babe

Happy Valentine's Day to my awesome and loving husband. I am definitely a lucky girl. Some atta boys are due in honor of my valentine.
*Great father to the kids - makes them laugh everyday
*Cooks dinner most of the time
*Shares in the household duties
*Works on the house
*Gives hugs and kisses
*Spend family time with us
*Plays soccer with me for quality time
*Lets me sleep in sometimes
*Can be social with anyone
*Has done great keepin' the weight off by maintaining our healthier lifestyle

Thank you, Steve for our great life. Many more years to come. I love you.

Past Stories: Rewind Monday - Dumbfounded

Disclaimer: Writing in present tense 2 years ago.

Dumbfounded by the genius and dumbfounded by the lack of genius a kid can exude on a daily basis. There needs to be a prerequisite question that can be asked to figure which identity is in present. Over a month ago, it appeared Keven's shoes should have been feeling a bit snug. So we had ourselves a conversation...

Mom: "Keven, do your shoes fit?"
Keven: "Yeah"
Mom: "Tell me when your toe starts touching the front."
Keven: "Why?"
Mom: "So I will buy you new ones that fit better. If your toe touches the front it means your shoes are too small."
Keven: "Ok"
Mom: "Are your shoes too small?"
Keven: "No"
Mom: "Will you tell me when they are too small?"
Keven: "Yeah"

so time passes.....and passes....and passes

Yesterday I decided to let him wear a new pair of Vans. Size 13 1/2. And what are his initial words ...... "Wow, Mom! Now my toe doesn't hurt." Me. Speechless, scratching my head, and chuckling.

However, he does know that blood keeps you strong and healthy. It also helps you grow big and tall. All this according to his blood story he told me in the car. Hmm. He. Learned. That. Somewhere. But where?

Lingering D

Still feeling lost. Inadequate. Helpless. Wanting. Desperate. Tired. Scared. Unhappy. I want to feel secure and safe; financially and emotionally. Not just for me but for my parents. My husband. My kids. And the other people in the world that deserve to be better off in some way. I want to make people happy by providing one wish from their wish list. I want to be a giver but that feels impossible when you feel like you are barely treading water.

Don't get me wrong I have moments when I look at my kids and feel like the luckiest person in the world but it never lasts. It is a feeling that comes and goes quicker than the wind. Its there around me but unobtainable. I never can hold on to it long enough to enjoy my family. Change needs to happen...only time will tell.

Growing Out the Hair...Again!

You think I would learn but every 2-3 years I do the do' short. Never again was uttered back in February of 2008 after I did the inverted bob (aka A-line do'). It took no more than 10 minutes to make it look rather good and stylish. I completely believed that the A-line would be my new look for a year or two. Yeah...I was way off the mark on that one as usual. When I go short I always wind up hating it in a week or so because I feel self-conscious about my wide round face. It is not a good look for me. But being the compulsive person I am leads to things being done quickly without second thoughts. When I want change, change needs to happen today not tomorrow. So back in October of 2010 when the short hair idea popped up like a Jack-in-the-Box, without thought, I jumped like a jackass into the hairdresser chair...twice. The second time to make it shorter. What a horrible idea, I hated it from the beginning. So here we are in the midst of the growing out phase. I will let you know when I feel content.

Past Stories: Rewind Monday - Losing Teeth Is A Family Affair...

Disclaimer: Writing in present tense about 1 1/2 years ago.

As Keven's parents, we feel the need to help our child with any obstacle. His left top tooth had been loose for months. Since the tooth behind it was cutting through, his baby tooth had been pushed down and out. Snaggletooth 2009. Thankfully due to a family friendly game of basketball, I helped loosen the tooth by accidentally passing a ball that hit him in the mouth. The next morning it then fell out while he chowed down on some cheerios.

After that incident, Keven accidentally hit Steve's knee with his mouth. After taking one look at it, I knew it was time to step up and pull it out. In one fluid motion, I pulled out his second tooth. As he walked away, I celebrated with "Yes! I pulled my first tooth. That wasn't mine." In that split second, Keven started crying saying it hurt. Talk about a delayed reaction. The only reason he started crying was because I scared him. Kids sure know how to be dramatic.

I can't wait for the other 2 loose teeth to fall out. How will the story unfold...

Signs of Kinder Readiness

Let's just say I was NOT ready to register Isabel for Kindergarten today. Isabel will be entering Kindergarten 6 months earlier than Keven due to their birthdays. Even though Isabel is beginning to read, yearning to do homework, she is still in that 4 year old world sometimes. You know when the mind veers to the left and then veers to the right. Or one second she is a genius and the next second sheeeee isnot. Plus she is my baby girl...my last baby. With Keven it was much easier because I had Isabel.

My thoughts about Keven were so different in February prior to school starting that August.

Lo' and behold, Keven wanted to go to school yesterday and today. Plus he wanted to go on Friday and Saturday. He is also doing some homework during the week without the tantrums. I am so happy to finally see the eagerness.

And then there is my raging obsessive compulsive disorder at a time like this...

My anxiety. My stress. My worry. Getting them there continually M-F is going to be harder on me than them. One big uncontrolled environment. Obsessions come on in to the freaking mind of wonder, leading me to the the hell bound party of fun. Who sat in the desk last year? Who sat in the desk the previous 20 years? Is that good dirt or bad dirt? What jobs do the other parents have? Are they going to step on something bad? Will they be safe? Will someone kidnap them? Will they be happy? At any time during the school day will they have to pass a dumpster? Where did those dirt tracks come from? And so on.

Uhh...Is there a cure yet?