Past Stories: Rewind Monday - Star Goalie

Who needed two weeks off with a sprained ankle when two days would do...not me! About three years ago, I was a GOALIE in the making. Diving here, diving there. Blocks the two shots. I'm in the zone. All one-on-ones are shut down. Nothing I could do about the crossing back post shots - obviously too short. Despite the 5 to 1 loss, we the team of 8 held our own against the team of 11 plus subs. I would not have made it as a field player that is for sure. Running caused pain. But goalie seemed to work. All is good when hobbling works here and there during the game. This will definitely be stored as a great Sunday morning memory.

Paxil - My Saving Grace

Paxil seems to relieve my depression, obsessions and compulsions just a bit. I feel more relaxed and sane. Not so overwhelmed with sadness, stress, anxiety and doubt. It is still with me but I do not feel like I am on a cliff edge holding on for dear life trying not to fall into a panic attack.

Past Stories: Rewind Monday - Isabel No Longer Speaks Spanish...But we do???

Disclaimer: Writing in present tense over 3 years ago. In the van, going home from grandma's... Mommy: "Keven, how come Isabel won't say mama". Keven (5): "Because mom, Isabel doesn't speak Spanish". A few months earlier, Isabel was babbling away and I told Kev, "Talk to her Keven...your sister is talking to you." His reply, "But mom, I don't know how to speak Spanish."

My Aunt Cindy Is Comin' To Town

With my Ashlyn, Aunt Carol, Aunt Chris and Uncle Gene. I am beyond excited. Hopefully we will have time to finish decorating one of my family room. She is an excellent interior designer with impeccable taste. Despite her mere hobby as an interior designer, I believe she would have had a successful business if she needed to work. In January of 2009, she came for a 4-day visit. Even though it was not a relaxful vacation, it was a fun and productive vacation. Let's be clear...it was her idea. And I love her for it. We spent 3 full days doing hard work. Painting. Shopping. And house decorating. With my aunt's talents, my new house became a home.

Happy Valentine's Day, Babe

Happy Valentine's Day to my awesome and loving husband. I am definitely a lucky girl. Some atta boys are due in honor of my valentine.
*Great father to the kids - makes them laugh everyday
*Cooks dinner most of the time
*Shares in the household duties
*Works on the house
*Gives hugs and kisses
*Spend family time with us
*Plays soccer with me for quality time
*Lets me sleep in sometimes
*Can be social with anyone
*Has done great keepin' the weight off by maintaining our healthier lifestyle

Thank you, Steve for our great life. Many more years to come. I love you.

Past Stories: Rewind Monday - Dumbfounded

Disclaimer: Writing in present tense 2 years ago.

Dumbfounded by the genius and dumbfounded by the lack of genius a kid can exude on a daily basis. There needs to be a prerequisite question that can be asked to figure which identity is in present. Over a month ago, it appeared Keven's shoes should have been feeling a bit snug. So we had ourselves a conversation...

Mom: "Keven, do your shoes fit?"
Keven: "Yeah"
Mom: "Tell me when your toe starts touching the front."
Keven: "Why?"
Mom: "So I will buy you new ones that fit better. If your toe touches the front it means your shoes are too small."
Keven: "Ok"
Mom: "Are your shoes too small?"
Keven: "No"
Mom: "Will you tell me when they are too small?"
Keven: "Yeah"

so time passes.....and passes....and passes

Yesterday I decided to let him wear a new pair of Vans. Size 13 1/2. And what are his initial words ...... "Wow, Mom! Now my toe doesn't hurt." Me. Speechless, scratching my head, and chuckling.

However, he does know that blood keeps you strong and healthy. It also helps you grow big and tall. All this according to his blood story he told me in the car. Hmm. He. Learned. That. Somewhere. But where?

Lingering D

Still feeling lost. Inadequate. Helpless. Wanting. Desperate. Tired. Scared. Unhappy. I want to feel secure and safe; financially and emotionally. Not just for me but for my parents. My husband. My kids. And the other people in the world that deserve to be better off in some way. I want to make people happy by providing one wish from their wish list. I want to be a giver but that feels impossible when you feel like you are barely treading water.

Don't get me wrong I have moments when I look at my kids and feel like the luckiest person in the world but it never lasts. It is a feeling that comes and goes quicker than the wind. Its there around me but unobtainable. I never can hold on to it long enough to enjoy my family. Change needs to happen...only time will tell.

Growing Out the Hair...Again!

You think I would learn but every 2-3 years I do the do' short. Never again was uttered back in February of 2008 after I did the inverted bob (aka A-line do'). It took no more than 10 minutes to make it look rather good and stylish. I completely believed that the A-line would be my new look for a year or two. Yeah...I was way off the mark on that one as usual. When I go short I always wind up hating it in a week or so because I feel self-conscious about my wide round face. It is not a good look for me. But being the compulsive person I am leads to things being done quickly without second thoughts. When I want change, change needs to happen today not tomorrow. So back in October of 2010 when the short hair idea popped up like a Jack-in-the-Box, without thought, I jumped like a jackass into the hairdresser chair...twice. The second time to make it shorter. What a horrible idea, I hated it from the beginning. So here we are in the midst of the growing out phase. I will let you know when I feel content.

Past Stories: Rewind Monday - Losing Teeth Is A Family Affair...

Disclaimer: Writing in present tense about 1 1/2 years ago.

As Keven's parents, we feel the need to help our child with any obstacle. His left top tooth had been loose for months. Since the tooth behind it was cutting through, his baby tooth had been pushed down and out. Snaggletooth 2009. Thankfully due to a family friendly game of basketball, I helped loosen the tooth by accidentally passing a ball that hit him in the mouth. The next morning it then fell out while he chowed down on some cheerios.

After that incident, Keven accidentally hit Steve's knee with his mouth. After taking one look at it, I knew it was time to step up and pull it out. In one fluid motion, I pulled out his second tooth. As he walked away, I celebrated with "Yes! I pulled my first tooth. That wasn't mine." In that split second, Keven started crying saying it hurt. Talk about a delayed reaction. The only reason he started crying was because I scared him. Kids sure know how to be dramatic.

I can't wait for the other 2 loose teeth to fall out. How will the story unfold...

Signs of Kinder Readiness

Let's just say I was NOT ready to register Isabel for Kindergarten today. Isabel will be entering Kindergarten 6 months earlier than Keven due to their birthdays. Even though Isabel is beginning to read, yearning to do homework, she is still in that 4 year old world sometimes. You know when the mind veers to the left and then veers to the right. Or one second she is a genius and the next second sheeeee isnot. Plus she is my baby girl...my last baby. With Keven it was much easier because I had Isabel.

My thoughts about Keven were so different in February prior to school starting that August.

Lo' and behold, Keven wanted to go to school yesterday and today. Plus he wanted to go on Friday and Saturday. He is also doing some homework during the week without the tantrums. I am so happy to finally see the eagerness.

And then there is my raging obsessive compulsive disorder at a time like this...

My anxiety. My stress. My worry. Getting them there continually M-F is going to be harder on me than them. One big uncontrolled environment. Obsessions come on in to the freaking mind of wonder, leading me to the the hell bound party of fun. Who sat in the desk last year? Who sat in the desk the previous 20 years? Is that good dirt or bad dirt? What jobs do the other parents have? Are they going to step on something bad? Will they be safe? Will someone kidnap them? Will they be happy? At any time during the school day will they have to pass a dumpster? Where did those dirt tracks come from? And so on.

Uhh...Is there a cure yet?

Past Stories: Rewind Friday - Isabel Is Potty-Trained....Yeah-Hooey!

In early August of 2009, Potty training was not going smoothly...

My little darling knew when she has to go. But instead of heading to a toilet, she decided to hide while doing her business. Talk about driving me crazy. Her attempt to keep me from getting frustrated despite her wrong-doing was to sing to me Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. According to her, it made me happy. She is a clever little thing.

Miss Elle finally conceded to the potty-training war in mid August. Victory was OURS (her loving parents). But again she surprised us by taking it a step farther. She decided to forgo all diapers...day AND night.

Daily Face Routine and Tint Moisturizer - Check

Title says it all ... This year, I finally spent my money on things that will benefit me for years to come not just instant gratification things like clothes that I may or may not like in a season/year. Curiosity about the lightening of the sun spots is killing me. How good will it work? Do I see improvement or not? I can't tell. When do results usually appear? How dark was that spot before? However, my tint moisturizer is a blessing in disguise. It is fantastic. My face has a more even complexion - not so rosy on the nose and around the nose. But better yet, after a week, NO NEW zit breakouts. I am in cosmetic heaven.

Past Stories: Rewind Monday - FIRST GRADE

Disclaimer: Writing in present tense about 1 1/2 years ago.

Kev,

First of all, I am so proud of your ability to take new things in stride. Your social and outgoing personality will serve you well in life. While other kids were nervous about the new school year and/or being at a new school, you were as cool as ever. Relaxed. Happy. Outgoing. And Ready. As your mom, I am looking forward to the change that comes with growing up. First grade is a big year. I promise to help you along the way. I suspect you will be reading chapter books and writing paragraphs with 4-5 sentences.

Love, Mom

Happy Birthday, Steve

This year, I wish you a happy birthday with all my love. I am truly a lucky lady to have you as a husband. You really do know how to love your family.

Thank you so much for being my LOVING HUSBAND. My OCD antics can be stressful at times but you handle it with such patience and discipline (on occasion). At least, we will have many many hysterical stories to keep us entertained for years. Falling into your arms for hugs and snuggles make me feel so happy and safe. I love you.

You are my partner in crime. My partner in parenthood. Thank you for being such an incredible dad to the kids. I hope to see our life in a more upbeat way. Not that I am expecting to hear a catchy, move to the beat type of song in my head every single day...

Cheers! To our life my sweet and loving babe...

Your birthday two years ago...not pretty

Yes...I got the "Worse Wife of the Year" award. I may have forgotten your birthday by accident but just know I did remember it was coming the whole week before. You know me, sometimes the important things are left out of my overloaded head when crazy ocd thoughts, moving chores, kid schedules, work items, and absolute trivial information is crammed in there. I definitely had to make it up to you.

Here is to hoping it never happens again...

(note: this helped me but not him, at least i was not the only one who forgot his birthday. so did the rest of the extended family. this helped my guilt about 0.1%...)

Past Stories: Rewind Monday - Keven's Travel Plans

About 3 years ago....

One night on the way to indoor, Keven thought of a great way to visit Hawaii.

Keven: "Mom, I know how we can get to Hawaii."
Me: "You, do? How?"
Keven: "We can take that Hawaii bus. See? That Hawaii bus will take us to Hawaii?"

The bus in question was white and had green palm trees on it. It looked like a senior citizen bus. Over the years, wisdom came with age and Keven ;earned the logistics of traveling over oceans...so I am sure we now can take a plane or boat.

Crossword Puzzles Are One Way To A Happy Marriage

Steve may be older than me and I may dwell on the fact that we will not technically spend our golden years together but I am happy knowing that we will make up a significant amount of time. Imagine our life...

Carpooling together. Working together. Eating lunch together. Playing soccer together. Taking our RDO together.

There is never too much of a good thing in my mind. waah...hah...hah..hah...

Yes, I was kidding. There are times we need to get away from one another. Or else...something along the lines of cussing, strangling, and beating one another may occur.

And yes I know you are trying to figure out where crossword puzzles come in...well...without the puzzles, our talking could turn into a fight if we are already in a bad or stressful mood.

Crossword puzzles allow us to have a relaxed and enjoyable lunch...

And now I am off to enjoy my lunch date with my husband.

Past Stories: Rewind Monday - Dad Retires At 60

Disclaimer: Writing in present tense over 3 years ago!
October 12, 2007 happen to be the actual retirement date. His work retirement party was 9 months ago. People may have started to wonder... or likely may have wanted their gifts back. But rest assure family and friends, he did not go to work this morning.

Lets rewind to my thoughts shall we...

Back in December 2006, my thinking went something like this...who would of thought that this time in my dad's life would actually come. Not very many of us. My dad is a work alcoholic. As a kid, he worked a normal 40 hour week or is that what I remember since he was at EVERY SINGLE one of my soccer games whether at home or away at 3:30 pm. To tell you the truth, now that I actually focus on the hours he worked it came out to 48 hour work weeks. Normal work day would be 9 hours plus 4-5 hours on Saturday morning while I was sleeping in. On a soccer game day, he would just go in early. Once, I left the house for college...8-10 hours on a Saturday became the norm. A part of me always respected and envied him for being a responsible and dedicated person. After being blessed with my two beautiful children, I truly know what it means to appreciate time with your family. So for the last four years, I have been sad for my dad believing that he is missing out on so many experiences in our daily lives. For him this retirement will be bittersweet--less time at work with his friends but more time to truly enjoy all the world has to offer for I know he will travel to places he has only dreamt of for years. Thank you dad for teaching me that the small things such as soccer games really do matter. That memory is the most cherished memory I have from my childhood.

It may have taken 9 months for him to cut the cord but he finally manages to be reborn. Reborn into retirement bliss I hope. Only time will tell...

Happy 63rd Birthday, Mom!

My mom is a very kind, generous, giving and helpful person. She will lend her support to the family in so many ways. Uhhh...some of the ways may mean Steve and I are spending countless hours of our lives searching for household items that have a new special and hidden place. But for the most part, our dishes are done, our laundry is washed, our house is picked up, and our kids are fed and alive.

In the last ten years or so, I realize the relationship is strong yet tested. Seeing each other 5-6 days a week does have its moments. But in the long run, there is no where else I would want to live besides 8 minutes away from my mommy. The relationship my kids and I have with her is priceless.

Mom, I love you so so so much.

Parted Hearts Grow Fonder

Or it could just be desperation that wants to yield your man back home from a trip. Either way, I miss him. Are you here yet?

Past Stories: Rewind Monday

(Isabel - 10/3/06)

Disclaimer: Speaking in present tense over 4 years ago.

Well MissElle, it looks like I spoke to soon about you being an extremely easy baby. You have become EXTREMELY clingy. For about 4-5 days, crying unless you were being held at all times was your new hobby. Is it because of --- an ear infection-nope, a cold-nope, teething-nope --- finally I believe you are experiencing separation anxiety and the desire to be stimulated more. With such things as playmat time, people watching and conversation. You love to be in your stroller at the mall. Daddy put together your playmat and you now spend more time exercising --- even on your tummy. You are close to rolling over and you are pushing up on your hands during tummy time. On Saturday night (woke for a 10:45 feeding), after a tough day with you you made my day by letting me into your world. While I was talking to you you were smiling and cooing trying to stick your fingers in my mouth. It was your first sign of physical interaction with me and it made my day. Thank you so so much. I can not wait for your hugs and kisses.

Mr Kev, you are experiencing your first day of preschool. There are no words to describe this feeling. Let's just say after 1 hour and 15 minutes I went to check on you and you were having so much fun playing with two boys and some worms. To say the least your worm was dead but I am sure he would of liked the feeling of sliding down the plastic play dome. The other kid knew but he must not know pretend play when he sees it...

In my related news, my OCD decided to rear its head. No surprise...I know. You had another kids jacket on and a bit of dirt on your pants. Mommy is trying to keep calm and relaxed. It took alot of effort not to tackle you and rip it off your body in order to put yours on.