Depression Lurks In The Dark

For months, my mind has been slowing regressing into the darkness. Situations are bothering me more and more. Urges to throw shoes away. Urges to wash my children. Urges to sleep. Urges to eat. Urges to hide. I need to see my psychiatrist. I hope there is a fix for this. I need a turn-up pronto.

Paxil - My Saving Grace

Paxil seems to relieve my depression, obsessions and compulsions just a bit. I feel more relaxed and sane. Not so overwhelmed with sadness, stress, anxiety and doubt. It is still with me but I do not feel like I am on a cliff edge holding on for dear life trying not to fall into a panic attack.

Lingering D

Still feeling lost. Inadequate. Helpless. Wanting. Desperate. Tired. Scared. Unhappy. I want to feel secure and safe; financially and emotionally. Not just for me but for my parents. My husband. My kids. And the other people in the world that deserve to be better off in some way. I want to make people happy by providing one wish from their wish list. I want to be a giver but that feels impossible when you feel like you are barely treading water.

Don't get me wrong I have moments when I look at my kids and feel like the luckiest person in the world but it never lasts. It is a feeling that comes and goes quicker than the wind. Its there around me but unobtainable. I never can hold on to it long enough to enjoy my family. Change needs to happen...only time will tell.